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Welcome to Freak Safari
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M. Night Shyamalan has a lot of imagination!
6/26/08
It was a quiet night. The trees were still, like the sea after a violent tempest. The wind, barely hissed throughout the midnight sky, while the moon shone down onto the serene world below. All the children were in bed. All the policemen were policing. The drunkards, vomiting. But there was one little Indian not in his convenience store. There was one little Indian not selling Slushies and Cheeze-Wiz nachos. This little Indian is M. Night Shamallaylalyan. This little Indian was writing.
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Apriscatola
6/22/08
I was feeling creative one day...
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Freak Safari Double Feature!
3/30/08
A few days ago, I was sitting at the Social Security office in Easton, PA. First and foremost, the place is like diarrhea with an American flag sticking out of it. And the smell? Well, let’s just say there were better gases coming out of Auschwitz.
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Britney Spears wrote a Parenting Guide
1/15/08
Hi ya'll, this is Britney Spears. Alot of ya'll know me from my music and mtv. Well I wanna get noticed for my mind and experiences too. This is why I made me a guy to parenting. I love guys. And they loves me too. So we is gonna learn using our minds, and <3's. Read More |
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"How may we assist you?"
12/3/07
If you go to a website, you expect one thing: the website to work. You expect that when you type "Bouncy black dick in tight white pussy" into Google and the number one search, ironically, comes up "Freak Safari," and you click that link you'll get to that page and be able to see your black dick. Well think again! Why? Well for one, my ex-host is a piece of shit. And two: I wouldn't allow black dick on this website. Suckers.Read More |
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The Tao of Halloween movies...
10/31/07
Contrary to popular belief, Halloween isn't just a time for sticking razor blades in chocolate, costumes, and child rape, it's also about movies, which is why I have compiled a list of horror movies that are necessary for every Halloween to be a complete success. Read More |
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FS Merchandise.
10/23/07
Come one! Come all! Get it while it's hot...Check it out |
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Celebrity Autographs.
9/13/07
Forget everything you've read from me in the past. Before thesmokinggun.com can expose me as a lying fraud, I have to come clean about something. I LOVE celebrities. It's true. Read More |
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Magic School Bus does Sex Education!
8/21/07
We can handle Ms. Frizzle's craziness. We can handle her pet iguana. We can even handle the fact that she never wears a bra to school and her lopsided boobs are distracting. What we can't handle, however, are her crazy field trips! Read More |
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Airline Safety Tips, Freak Safari style.
July 2007
If you thought avoiding flights with passengers reading the Koran was the only safety tip needed, you may just be the biggest idiot in the world. But even Freak Safari can help you out: my message board and I came up with a great aircraft safety card. The whole thread is here. Enjoy. Read More |
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Freak Safari Inkblots: Teil zwei.
6/29/07
The Rorschach ink blot test is a test done for psychological evaluation. There are only 10 of them in the test. I personally think the test is bullshit, so what I've done is taken some ink blots and written about what I see. Read More |
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A detailed review of Hostel Part 2.
6/12/07
It’s a very rare occasion that I’ll go out of my way to write a movie review. For me to do this, the movie has to be exceptional in some way. I’d be lying if I said Hostel 2 wasn't exceptional. It is exceptional. Exceptionally shitty. Read More |
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Chapter Two: Different types of women.
6/3/07
In Chapter One, we discussed Sex Myths. You know that sperm on your face clears up acne, and that Mexicans reproduce by having water thrown on them like in Gremlins (which explains why the dirty ones are considered sterile, and thus, Mexicans are a declining species). Now, we can move on to...
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The Duncan-Jayzaneeq Papers.
4/29/07
My name is Jayzaneeq and I got to get a pen pal on account of good behavior. I picked your name cause it's Duncan. What kinna name is Duncan? Are you from like one a them fancy countries like London or something? I ain't never heard a no Duncan. Ain't it some donuts called Duncan? I bet you wear glasses and shit. Read More |
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The truth about online comedy.
3/7/07
A lot of people ask me, "Rob, how do you make a successful comedy website?"
Actually they don’t really ask me because my site isn’t successful, but if they did, this would be my answer... Read More |
