Celebrities

Jan 17 2012

Wikipedia shuts down tomorrow

Because of the ‘Stop Online Piracy Act’ and its many many flaws, Wikipedia will shut down on 1/18/12 as a form of protest.

Wikipedia will be leading a number of high-profile websites going dark on Wednesday to protest two controversial bills in Congress. SOPA, also known as the Stop Online Piracy Act in the House of Representatives, and PIPA, the Protect I-P Act in the Senate, are designed to crack down on the illegal sharing of movies and music on the Web. However, critics say the anti-piracy legislation is censorship and would force sites to police the online world.

This is particularly devastating because all my research for this site comes from Wikipedia. For example: there’s a picture of Cameron Diaz floating around where she looks like a disgruntled scarecrow on chemo…or that’s at least what I planned to title tomorrow’s post once I edited her wikipedia article accordingly. “Cameron Diaz has cancer” would’ve raised my traffic, but thanks to greedy capitalist pigs that plan is out. How ironic, eh comrades? Looks like I’m on my own for tomorrow.

By Rob • Celebrities, News • 4

Jan 13 2012

Friday News Rundown

What a week. We saw Rick Santorum lose again, which would’ve been the second funniest thing that happened this week if Blue Ivy was kidnapped.

1. I get paid based on what things I talk about so I’m obligated to talk about celebrities once in awhile. There’s a loophole in the contract, and that is I don’t need to do much research with anything I write which makes talking about this stuff easier.

Apparently one of the Kardashians isn’t really a Kardashian. She is something else. I think it’s the fat one who is nice to everybody. Congratulations on reaping the wealth of being a Kardashian without sharing the DNA that comes with it.

…In sadder news:

2. Kathleen Edward, the girl with Huntington’s disease who was mercilessly tormented by a shitty neighbor has died.

Those who knew 9-year-old Kathleen Edward will never forget her infectious smile, one seen often throughout her battle with Juvenile Huntington’s disease.
The girl who received support from people all over the world after being taunted about dying lost her battle with the disease Wednesday. She died at her Wyandotte home, surrounded by people who love her, said Kathleen’s maternal grandmother, Rebecca Rose.

“She suffered with this disease for a while, and she never complained,” Rose said. “She was always happy, always smiling.”
Rose said her last words to Kathleen were that it was OK to go be with her mom. Laura Edward, Kathleen’s mother, died in 2009 of Huntington’s disease, a hereditary, incurable brain disorder.
“I didn’t want her to suffer anymore,” Rose said.
Kathleen received an outpouring of support from around the world after doctored pictures of her appeared on Facebook, showing the girl and her mother being held by the grim reaper.

It’s rare news articles can get me legitimately upset, but I remember the news articles from years ago with her shitty neighbor, Jennifer Petkov, doing everything she could possibly do to make this poor girl’s life a living hell. If Karma is real, Hindus, prove it by getting that elephant god with all the arms to hit her with a bus.

3. Judge declares missing teen Natalee Holloway dead.

I’m not sure what they were waiting for, but congratulations for progress. High 5!

4. Jennifer Aniston recently had a cup of coffee.

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Quote of the week: “Who told you that you were naked?”
God
Genesis 3:11

By Rob • Celebrities, News, Rundown • 5

Jan 4 2012

Little something for the ladies

Don’t ever say I ignore your requests to post pictures of hot men on this site, ladies. Here you go: Steven Tyler without a shirt.

By Rob • Celebrities • 1

Dec 16 2011

The Friday News Rundown

1. Lindsay Lohan, a known liar, bad actress, thief, alcoholic, drug abuser, and ginger wowed the judge this week by doing things she’s actually supposed to be doing. It only took her three years. Everybody is making such a big deal about this. I’ve never gotten a DUI in my life and nobody is giving me proverbial cookies and patting my back. It’s interesting how people are treating her the same way you’d treat a retarded person for doing something wrong. “It’s ok, Corky. See what happens when you pet the dog too hard? He stops moving. Here’s a cookie.” She also had her Playboy spread leaked, which isn’t nearly as interesting as it seems, which is why I put the whole “Lindsay Lohan is doing well” part first. You know it’s a bad photo shoot when I talk about people doing the right thing before I talk about their boobs.

2. Earlier this week, I discussed a video that may constitute as unintentional racism in the fast food industry. But what about intentional racism?

Two Asian-American students at University of California, Irvine, who ordered meals at a Chick-fil-A in Irvine said the cashier who took their order didn’t ask for their names. Instead, she typed “Ching” and “Chong,” respectively, on their receipts, according to Kelvin Lee, another UC Irvine student who said he is a friend of the customers. Full article.

The only way this could be more racist is if she changed one of the receipts to say “Spicy Dog” with the Dr. Pepper and a plea for them not to drive home.

3. Parents decided that it would be a good idea to pull a prank on their kids. That prank was to make out with their blind-folded children in the middle of a crowded gymnasium while someone video taped it and put it up on YouTube to be ridiculed by the entire internet.

 

If those kids decide to go Columbine crazy: Understood.

4. Here’s a picture of Hillary Clinton picking her nose.

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Words of Wisdom: Ask not for whom the bell tolls, I mean who really cares? OK fine: it tolls for Ben Savage.

By Rob • Celebrities, News, Rundown • 14

Dec 15 2011

The Duggar family is disgusting

If you don’t know who the Duggar family is, that’s ok. Here they are:

The Duggar family is famous for having less common sense than a ginger kid has friends. The mother treats her vagina like a clown car by seeing how many unevolved looking runts she can squeeze out it. The answer to that question by the way is 19 and one miscarriage.

During a routine check-up Thursday, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar received the heart-wrenching news that their 20th child no longer had a heartbeat and Michelle’s pregnancy had ended.

“Our doctor said it was wise to let this miscarriage happen naturally,” says Michelle, 45, who is resting at home. “And so that is what we are going to do.”

“There are people praying for us and angels surrounding our home, and there was peace in the sorrow and the grief. Those feelings are mingled together.”

“I really believe that God sees the bigger picture,” Jim Bob Duggar said. “I hope that her short life can encourage other people who have gone through things like this. It was very healing, and we have precious memories.”

I'll give you 10 dollars if you can show me a more obnoxious looking couple.

Oh so you’re starting to take the doctor’s advice now, Michelle? I’m sure your doctor said it was perfectly natural to get knocked up 20 times and make your vagina look like rotting hamburger meat.

Everything about this family disgusts me. Everyone’s name is unnecessarily long and starts with a J (Like Joshua James and Joy-Ann). The Duggars are obnoxiously religious and try to make everything about God. I’m sure “God” wanted you to have 19 kids and a reality TV show where you parade your backwards hick family around your podunk little Arkansas town, right? And I’m sure it was “God” who wanted your child to die in the womb, because when I think of a loving Christian God, I automatically think of infanticide.

So what does a normal sane family who experiences something tragic like a miscarriage do? Why they hold a public funeral and tweet pics of the dead fetus of course!

The Duggar Family, grieving from the loss of what would’ve been their 20th child, not only named the miscarried baby (a girl, Jubilee), they held a memorial service for her and took photos of the corpse, one of which made it onto Twitter.

It’s unclear which family member or friend posted it online, but the Duggars weren’t trying to keep it private. An artistic picture of the fetus, due in April, was distributed it at the memorial Wednesday. We have not posted it here for obvious reasons.

Of course, I’ll post the picture:

It’s pretty revolting and wrong when you…ah screw this. I’m done teaching idiots moral lessons. I’m starting to sound like an Oompa Loompa.

By Rob • Celebrities, News • 7

Dec 14 2011

Jennifer Lopez keeps trying

Jennifer Lopez is getting to be that age where she really shouldn’t be doing whatever it is she’s doing in this picture:

Apparently, the flesh-toned body suit Jennifer Lopez wore during her performance at the American Music Awards last month was a hit. The 42-year-old mother of toddler twins looks incredible suited up in a similar one piece, this one black and lace, for will.i.am’s new video, “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever),” for which she sings the chorus.

Yeah, she really looks incredible, which is why every picture I could find of her in this magical body suit is blurry. Ironic since we live in an age of High Definition everything. Papparazzi can practically film the pubes on Lindsay Lohan’s vagina from a mile away with amazing clarity, yet Jennifer Lopez’ pictures always look like we’re seeing her with cataracts.

By Rob • Celebrities • 6