Jan 10 2012
Why Rick Santorum will never become president
Rick Santorum is quite possibly the douchiest politician alive right now. Ironically, he is also (sort of) a contender for the Republican bid in the next presidential election. Thankfully it won’t ever happen for these reasons:
1. The guy looks like this:
How much would it suck to have that smug face on a dollar bill? A lot since it’s illegal to burn money.
2. Thanks to a beautifully done Google Bomb, when you Google “Santorum,” you get this:
santorum (san-TOR-um) n.
1. The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter
that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.
3. This is his family:

Notice the retarded girl with the doll up front crying? Yeah, she’s actually not retarded. You know who is? ….
4. Rick Santorum keeps having retarded kids.
Rick Santorum has 7 alive kids. One of them is retarded. The other was so retarded it died two hours after it was born.
5. Rick Santorum and his wife slept with his dead baby all night, brought the corpse home from the hospital, and passed it around to his family like it were vacation pictures.
What happened after the death is a kind of snapshot of a cultural divide. Some would find it discomforting, strange, even ghoulish — others brave and deeply spiritual. Rick and Karen Santorum would not let the morgue take the corpse of their newborn; they slept that night in the hospital with their lifeless baby between them. The next day, they took him home. ”Your siblings could not have been more excited about you!” Karen writes in the book, which takes the form of letters to Gabriel, mostly while he is in utero. ”Elizabeth and Johnny held you with so much love and tenderness. Elizabeth proudly announced to everyone as she cuddled you, ‘This is my baby brother, Gabriel; he is an angel.’ ”
So, America, Unless you want a nebbish looking idiot who is so annoying that his name is now synonymous with bad anal sex, who is the father of a creepy ugly family that sleeps and plays with the corpses of dead retarded babies, be my guest. When it’s put into perspective like this, it makes you think twice, right? You’re welcome.














