A few days ago, I was sitting at the Social Security office in Easton, PA. First and foremost, the place is like diarrhea with an American flag sticking out of it. And the smell? Well, let’s just say there were better gases coming out of Auschwitz. The service was as farcical as the fat security guard chewing sunflower seeds and reading pamphlets about people with palsies and infinitely better lives than his own. While these are all major problems, they don’t even touch the crux of the issue: the people waiting in the office. If the Social Security Building is diarrhea, the people waiting in line are the indigestible chunks of corn.
While there, I ran into four types of people:
1. The old man who thinks he’s funny and will talk to anyone. Yes, he’s friendly. Yes, he can make the time go by significantly faster. No, he won’t ever shut up. A person automatically sucks when he says, “I resemble that remark,” and thinks it’s funny.
2. The guy who doesn’t speak English.
3. A group of three kids with the social skills of autistic semen. They sat right next to me. One kid was obviously gay because I refuse to believe there could be a heterosexual male with a voice that high. His name was also Skippy. The other was a guy with laughably bad acne. The other was the acne guy’s obese girlfriend who also had acne. Actually all three of them had acne now that I think about it. They chose to kill time by discussing the pimples they needed to pop on their face, and then subsequently doing so. It was like a circle jerk for pimple popping.
4. The old lady wearing the “Vote Hillary Clinton” sticker who talks about politics without really knowing what anything means.
Popularity: 11%
