Just for today only, I’m knocking off 5 bucks on ALL shirts.

Coupon Code:  FreakSafari

www.shirtgenius.com

Popularity: 22%

If you go to a website, you expect one thing: the website to work. You expect that when you type “Bouncy black dick in tight white pussy” into Google and the number one search, ironically, comes up “Freak Safari,” and you click that link you’ll get to that page and be able to see your black dick. Well think again! Why? Well for one, my ex-host is a piece of shit. And two: I wouldn’t allow black dick on this website. Suckers.

My old host was ipowerweb.com. Dealing with their customer support is like watching a bunch of little girls playing soccer: you’re waiting over 20 minutes for something to happen, and when it does, it’s usually something so completely insignificant that you get pissed at yourself for waiting so long. The one advantage little girls playing soccer has over ipowerweb.com’s tech support is that every now and again, a little girl gets kicked in the shins and cries. That will make the experience worth it.

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Popularity: 9%

I was lying in my bed masturbating when I had the perfect idea on how to make this country a lot holier.

It’s safe to say America is an incredibly sinful country. In a world filled with sex, drugs, and people who still think it’s a good idea to listen to Cole Porter, something must be done. But what? That’s when it dawned on me. A solution promising nothing less than the salvation of this country. A solution so perfect that it’s guaranteed to make men’s nipples so hard they lactate holy milk.

The answer is simple: Christian Video Games.

Finally, technology can now be used for something other than proving that pesky theory of evolution.

I’ve put together a list of Christian Video Games that we could make to teach the youth of America that it’s cool to worship Jesus.

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Popularity: 2%

A smell permeates through your house. It’s indefinable and raunchy…like a dead man rotting away in the beginning to some ‘Se7en-esque’ plot. It’s foreign, perhaps even inhuman. It strikes your olfactory receptors like a cerebral Ike vs. Tina beat down. You advance towards it and open the door expecting some type of satanic creature to spit poisonous venom, melting you and your loved ones into a horrible puddle of supernatural goo.

Except…wait…what’s this? It’s not an alien. It’s your son. And that isn’t poisonous venom. It’s Mountain Dew. And it’s not exactly some far off galaxy. It’s World of Warcraft.

World of Warcraft is a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (MMORPG) that has sucked the souls of many adolescents (and some adults) into an unholy miasma of nerdish body odor, so potent it’s guaranteed to set off your radon detectors. It may not be giving you cancer like radon, but you’ll wish it were by the time you’re done learning about this mess.

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Popularity: 1%