Say hello to Canada’s new 20. If I made enough money to have 20 dollar bills all the time I’d be quite the jealous boy.

North Carolina just banned gay marriage…which is pretty much what you’d expect when you let a state filled with religious nut jobs vote on civil rights issues.

North Carolinians voted to change the state constitution Tuesday to say that the only valid “domestic legal partnership” in the state is marriage between a man and a woman, according to the AP’s projection. The amendment passed 61 to 39 percent with most counties reporting, making North Carolina the 29th state with a gay marriage ban in its constitution.

This is wrong. It’s insane to allow people to vote for human rights in the first place, especially when those people still believe in bible stories about men camping in a whale’s stomach and sea monsters eating sailors. In a world where we can detect Higgs particles and dark matter, we shouldn’t base our lives around what the people who still believe in fairy tales value anymore. They’re unimportant.

I only write about this because my friend’s best friend’s brother’s friend’s cousin knows a guy who likes rainbows. So this hits, like, really close to home.

Miley Cyrus’ film “LOL,” made a total of only $46,500 this weekend, Movie City News estimates . That is just a few hundred dollars more than what “Marvel’s The Avengers” — which drew a record-breaking weekend total of more than $200 million — took inper theater: $46,100, according to MCN.

Note to Miley: if you’re going to make a movie, try not to title it after a potential Rebecca Black song.

Also the Where the Wild Things Are author died. I feel sad about this, but only because I just learned how to read and that was on my book list. Now I’ll be thinking about it, and it’ll be this whole big thing. Ugh.

RIP Maurice Sendak

Keep your hands off, Jeremy Piven! This one’s mine! That millionaire playboy won’t take another lady away from me this time.

In an attempt to rectify this, I’ve decided to post something that was emailed to me by accident. I have had an email address with gmail since it first started, so I was fortunate enough to get a really common screen name. The downside is that I get A LOT of email that is incorrectly sent to me, which I usually just ignore. Until now. This was emailed to me a bit ago, and it’s about a guy who is trying to strike up a deal with a stripper/ whore from Craigslist. Everything is verbatim, but I’m removing the email address.

 

I loved your pic and I would love for you to dance for me. I am a 35yo  true gentleman and will keep my hands to myself unless told otherwise. I can host tomorrow morning/early afternoon if you want. I hope to hear from you soon!>>http://eastidaho.craigslist.org/cas/2623909247.html>>Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

 

On Fri Sep 30th, 2011 2:33 PM EDT XXXXX XXXXX wrote:
>Its always nice to meet a gentleman…>I am a sexy mama 5’6 165, brunette with sultry green eyes.>I dance an hr for 100 ro$es or 75 for half an hr.>I will go full-nude, lap dance…we can touch but no sex.  My private dances are amazing, much better than a club where they stay in bikinis.>I will come to your place..or a hotel room…which ever? I can’t host…too many nosy neighbors and distractions.>Let me know if you have any more specific questions and I’ll do my best to answer u back promptly.>I hope to meet you soon>;) Kitty

 

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Can I be partially nude or full nude also? I understand there will be no sex and I will not pressure you to do so. I know the 100 roses is just for the dance. I have included a pic just for your enjoyment. It is not to insinuate any thing else. It is again for your enjoyment. Hope to hear from you soon!

No nudity except for me of course..Thanks for the pic. I’m not taking many more clients so…be quick
Where r u at? *(poky or IF)  I’m in Poky…I can’t wait to meet you. 

Welcome to Idaho. Enjoy your stay.

I don’t usually write about politics because they’re boring, but I’ll make an exception for this:

KABUL, Afghanistan – President Obama apologized to Afghans on Thursday for the burning of Qurans at a U.S. military base, trying to assuage rising anti-American sentiment as an Afghan soldier gunned down two American troops during another day of angry protests.

Am I the only person who is pissed that Obama apologized for this? We live in a world that is sophisticated enough that if someone accidentally burns your book, you make them go to Barnes & Noble and buy you another one; you don’t kill them over it. By apologizing to these lunatics, you’re pretty much saying that their reaction was a reasonable one (it isn’t) and that they’re acting completely appropriately (they’re not). I realize that Obama needs to try and be diplomatic, but does he have to reinforce this Muslim irrationality every five minutes?

I think every American should get a Koran and burn it out of spite right now. “Koran burning Day” we’ll call it. It’ll be a jolly good time filled with noodle salad and less Korans in the world.

Also, I know in the title it says “and other news,” but I really didn’t plan this out too well. Strike 2, Rob.

Although the movie is no longer with Universal, Adam Sandler appears to be rescuing the project. According to Deadline, Sandler is in final talks to create a live action movie based on the kids’ board game “Candyland” through his Happy Madison production company and Sony’s Columbia Pictures, and he’s also attached to star.

Kevin James will of course be starring as Gloppy the Molasses Monster, who will make us laugh about how fat people are so jolly and awkward, yet lovable while still being diabetic. And Rob Schneider will star as something, because Adam Sandler feels sorry for people.

I look forward to this movie as much as I look forward to my colonoscopy next month. Incidentally, it’s important to take care of your colon. I’m not completely sure about where I was going with this, but comparing ass polyps to Adam Sandler films doesn’t seem like it’s too off topic.

But this entry isn’t about poor or homeless people. It’s about people who can be loved. Celebrate your Valentine’s day by being able to see the person you love. These are the glasses I choose to see the world through. They make my optical nerves tinge and twingle with delight while my retinas feel fantastically and fabulously festive </Courtney Stodden>

So Celebrate your Valentine’s Day by being able to actually see who your Valentine is. My friend Nikki, whom you all remember from the last post, is as blind as you can get while still technically having eyeballs. She has Zenni glasses, and she can now see. You may be wondering what she’s doing for V-Day, so let’s find out, shall we?

Bought Zenni glasses a few months ago and they have since changed my life. For one, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found out he has skin tags that I couldn’t see before. Why the hell didn’t he take those off? Is he trying to look like a leper? He had to go. So you’re asking what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day? Nothing because everyone is so ugly in Iowa. Just the other day I was at the grocery store buying milk and this cashier I recognized had arms that were covered in pimples. I thought they were just knitted sleeves before! Thanks, Zenni Optical for making me absolutely repulsed by humanity. Time to move to a place less fugly! The glasses were cheap, but I’ll more than make up for it in the cost of moving out of Iowa to a place that doesn’t remind me of Oz or Narnia.