Digg.com - we’ve all seen it, right? Near as I can tell, it appears to be a place for a select few blogs to get every single fart they post on the internet zipped to the "front page" for all the world (or at least all of the "diggers") to see. It is also a totally free service to all of those "diggers," who appear to have created some kind of strange internet society devoted to "digging" and "burying" and "fellating" each other.

Well, digg changed its totally free service recently, and the diggers aren’t happy . As near as I can tell, this change seems to be a move to try to actually earn some money by providing this (I can’t reiterate enough) free service to the reprobates of the internet, but said reprobates are pissed off. Because the digg owners didn’t respect the arbitrary rules created by this strange society and took away the enormous "power" some of the diggers had developed in their imaginary link-sharing world.

Our Freak of the Day is society. Seriously, people, we’ve come to a point where we get pissed off about losing meaningless "power" in an imaginary realm in our computers that we didn’t even pay to access. We’re obviously doing something wrong.

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Old Business:  To all the ladies…

“sup.”

New Business:  I’m hungover so this is going to go quickly.

A 21 year old black kid who I’m naming Skippy J, because I didn’t read the article well enough to remember his name pretended to be a 13 year old black kid named “Chad Jordan” to get on a pee wee football team.

“Chad Jordan” might have gotten away with just playing football, but last week he tried to take his middle school imitation act to an actual middle school. Threatts attempted to enroll in Webb Middle School in Hillsborough (Fla.) last Tuesday, but his application was delayed because he lacked the proper paperwork proving his identity. When he was eventually moved to the school social worker’s office — Threatts told school officials he was homeless, so he was waiting with the social worker for the Department of Child and Families to arrive at the school — his cell phone rang with a call from his mother, wondering where he was. School officials answered and learned Threatts’ true identity from his mother, after which the 21-year-old was arrested for trespassing at the school. He has been held in Hillsborough County Jail since last Tuesday.

I can kind of understand the appeal of having an athletic advantage over children and pile driving their chubby faces into the ground like they were railroad spikes.  Just the other day I was watching “Little Giants” thinking that I could’ve totally kicked Ice Box’s ass.  Like Rick Moranis could produce a tough kid.  Yeah, ok, Disney.

It makes me sad that Skippy J is going to jail for this.  Just look at that face…it’s no wonder everyone thought that he was 12.  I bet he walked up to the sign-up tables and said, “Oh boy!  I always wanted to play football, but all my money has to go to books for my education,” while all the coaches are looking at him, practically crying.  “Adorable, little chocolate peanut,” they called him.

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I was going through my old bookmarks and came across a link that I hadn’t viewed in a long time. When I clicked on it, this was the first thing I saw:

Well, look at that. Paydirt. Then I saw that the URL was for Dangerous Lilly. Fine, even a fat chick that likes to suck a cock and get cum all over herself is a good thing. Right?

Well, this is from the fat cunt’s mouth:

Two basic facts:

1. I don’t swallow. I don’t want cum in my mouth, and I won’t lick it all up either. I have a hair-trigger gag reflex and thick cum just grosses me out. I don’t like seeing photos of it all dripping out of a chicks mouth, either. I can’t help it.

2. Simple powdered-sugar icing looks remarkably like cum.

So when husband and I were trying out Burger King’s new Funnel Cake Sticks (pretty yum, btw) our minds were in the gutter as I was cleaning off warm gooey icing from my fingers. I just looked at him and said “Save the rest of that icing for later. You, me, this icing and the camera have a date later” and boy you shoulda seen his eyes light up.

Fantastic. I just vomited again. I hate throwing up with a hardon. So far only Dangerous Lilly has been able to make that happen. Oh, you think she is hot? Then you are an idiot. Here is what she really looks like:

Please note: All images are the property of Dangerous Lilly.

So, who is the Freak of the Day? It is me for getting suckered in again.

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That, friends, is an x-ray showing a bullet that didn’t quite penetrate the skull of a nice Polish man. The odd thing about this bullet is that it sat there for five or six years before doctors found it because our Polish dude didn’t know he’d been shot.

The guy says he was at a New Year’s Eve party in "2004 or 2005" when something hit him in the head. He had a sore head (you think?), but didn’t bother with a doctor until he was irritated enough 5 or six years later to ask a doctor to remove what he thought was a cyst on his head.

I’m pretty sure there’s something freaky going on when you don’t even realize you’ve been shot in the head with a .22. And even freakier when the .22-sized lump on your head doesn’t prompt you to seek medical attention for five years. Our unnamed Polish hero is my Freak of the Day.

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Life is short, friends and neighbors, so I will be brief.  In an ideal world, Rod Blagoyabob would be in jail.  We do not live in an ideal world.  Therefore, Rod Blagobabock is currently on a publicity tour.  Such is life.

One would imagine that Rob Balgobedooby would be today’s freak, but there’s nothing freakish in that which is predictable and unfortunately common.  In our age of 24/7 mass media saturation, it’s hard to escape the fact that our justice system is as fundamentally flawed as we are.  One wonders why support for the death penalty is as strong as it is, given that it relies on the erroneous assumption of flawless judgment, but I digress.

Today’s freak is me, you, and anybody who remains strangely unaffected by Rod Blagodaglick’s escape from punishment.

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As a promoter of zero-population growth, I feel the need to write a letter to China, specifically after they’re now dealing with a traffic jam that’s almost 100 miles long.  I respect China for their approach on limiting one child per family, but let’s face it…it’s not working.  This isn’t a bad thing because abortion doctors need jobs too, and there is a direct correlation between abortions and lack of babies.  You do the math.

I can’t even imagine being stuck in a traffic jam for days.  To me that’s a nightmare worthy of crashing my car into a wall in the hopes that I’m in a dream and it will kick me out of it like ‘Inception.’  Could you imagine all the panhandling that would be going on there?  I bet it smells like a mix between sulfur, noodles, and destitution.

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I love America but I fucking hate Americans.

Read this fucking shit:

Nearly one-third of the country thinks adherents of Islam should be barred from running for President — a slightly higher percentage than the 24% who mistakenly believe the current occupant of the Oval Office is himself a Muslim. In all, just 47% of respondents believe Obama is a Christian; 24% declined to respond to the question or said they were unsure, and 5% believe he is neither Christian nor Muslim.

Holy Motherfucking shit. Keep this in mind…Islam didn’t attack America, terrorist did. Why the fuck does it matter what stupid made up God our President prays to?

Now read this:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Do you know where that is from? It is from the God Damn Cunt Licking United States Constitution. In fact it is the 1st fucking Amendment.

So, who is our Freak of the Day? All the fucking idiots who care what religion our President is.

Now excuse me…I need to fire bomb a church.

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I have very little to say about this guy. I think a short description of what you’re about to see covers the reasons for Freak of the Day quite well: Chubby dude posted a video of himself on YouTube wearing a Star Trek costume and singing lyrics he made up to go with the theme song for a Star Trek show. Most of the lyrics are characters’ names.

This guy must get laid so damn much.

(Direct link to the video, just in case: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YB28WMv7wUE)

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Hey, kids, remember when this wasn't the most hated person on the planet?

I’ve never been the hippest guy in the world.  In the fifth grade, when all the cool kids were into Green Day, I was still debating whether Empire or Jedi was the better Star Wars sequel.  (It’s Empire.)  In eighth grade, when everybody was trying to Catch ‘Em All, I was too busy perfecting the double-Hadoken motion.  I am, as they say, a little out of touch.

But the recently released Mindset List reveals that I’m no longer just “a little out of touch.”  I’m officially old.

For example, as item No. 13 on the list says, “Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation.”

With far edgier content available today, such as “South Park” or online videos that push the envelope, there’s something quaint about recalling the hand-wringing that the MTV cartoon prompted, Nief said.

Hell, that’s nothing.  I remember when The Simpsons was still catching flak for its controversial content.  It’s downright wholesome, of course, but does the latest generation even know that?  Do today’s kids know it as anything other than a lamer, more crudely drawn version of Family Guy?

Another Mindset List item reflects a possible shift in Hollywood attitudes. Item No. 12 notes: “Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.”

A number of incoming freshmen said they partially agreed with the item, noting they were familiar with Eastwood’s work as an actor even if they hadn’t seen his films.

“I know he directed movies but I also know he’s supposed to be sort of bad-ass,” said Aaron Ziontz, 18, from Seattle.

Sigh.  Such ignorance.

Even so, the article suggests a simplistic reading of Clint’s career.  Even back in the Dirty Harry days, there was an undercurrent of ambivalence about the violence, which he started to make clear in Unforgiven.  Which, of course, was still violent as all-get-out.  And it’s not like his last movie wasn’t full of racial slurs, shootings, face-punchings, and other fun stuff.

Even so, gosh, I’m starting to feel as old as Clint now.  Today’s Freak is me: the oldest 25 year old on the planet.

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I was reading articles about the Craigslist killer getting killed by a killer in a jail for killer killers who kill. There is nothing really noteworthy about the case, just the same murdering hullaballoo done by unimaginative people. Back in the day, America had fun murders. You don’t get many Valentine’s Day massacres these days, or murdered Lindbergh babies, and if you do, there’s so much fear mongering as a result that those little incidents lose their intrigue and become political chess pieces. I’m not going to say that we need more Columbines, but if we get them, it would be nice to not have people be afraid of acne-riddled dorks in trenchcoats. Gnome sayin?

What does this have to do with a Freak of the Day? Nothing really. Actually I was going to talk about the source of the Craigslist killer article, rather than the article itself. I got it from a Christian Science website which is a cute little website that tries to blur the line between science and God, a feat that seems pretty difficult to people who haven’t repeatedly smashes their heads with meat tenderizers.

http://christianscience.com/questions/questions-christian-science-faq/

Why do you call yourselves Christian?

Because Christian Science is based on the Bible, and Christian Scientists follow the teachings and ministry of Christ Jesus. In fact, the virgin birth, the crucifixion, the resurrection and ascension of Christ Jesus, and so on, are all central to Christian Science theology.

Is it true that Christian Scientists don’t take medicine?

Generally, a Christian Scientist’s first choice is to rely on prayer for healing, and in most cases, this means that a medical remedy is unnecessary.
There is no biblical or church mandate to forgo medical intervention, nor do Christian Scientists believe that it’s God’s will that anyone suffer or die. A Christian Scientist’s decision to rely on prayer comes from trust, not blind faith, in God, and from a conviction that God’s care continues under every circumstance.

What do you do in the case of communicable disease?

Christian Scientists care about their neighbors and fellow community members and gladly abide by city and state laws or mandates regarding quarantines, vaccinations, and the like. The Christian Science Journal, Christian Science Sentinel, and The Herald of Christian Science also contain documented healings of communicable diseases and show the role prayer can play, not just in protecting and healing individuals, but in helping communities as well.

It’s all very interesting and touching. More than anything, I love the banners for the site. All these young adults of mixed races smiling together. It’s like one big “Diversity Rules” poster. And accurate too, because everyone knows a Japanese Christian.

As a side note: ever notice how all of the pictures you see of Christians on TV or on the websites, they either have 70’s style hair or really big teeth? They all look like shaved bonobos. The reality of not realizing that you’re more unevolved looking than someone else is unfortunate in such an epic way. Oh well, what’s that saying? “The last thing fish notice is their water.” I think Buddha said that before he died from evolved bacteria in his food.

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