Dangerous Lilly is a, how do you say it, “morphously challenged” girl that my board caused a mild upset with. You can read everything here. The people of my message board used hate words like “fat,” “the human equivalent of fat dog slop if dog slop could be fat,” and “a blob with a waistband that equals x as x approaches infinity,” to describe her. All of which, understandably are hurtful words. The result is Dangeous Lilly crying and writing all of her friends about how “hurtful” I am.
On behalf of my board, I want to apologize to Dangerous Lilly. She doesn’t deserve any of the ridicule she’s gotten. I think my board was totally off base and factually incorrect with most of their assumptions, contentions, and opinions in general being intolerant and rude. Dangerous Lilly, I apologize. You’re not “fat,” you don’t smell like “pork chops or have tears that smell like gravy,” and the Haiti earthquakes were not caused by you falling out of bed looking for a gummy bear. Again, I’m sorry.
What the members of my board didn’t know was that you are in fact an Omphalophobic. Please understand that Omphalophobia is not a common condition, and my readers had no way of knowing you had a fear of your belly button and belly buttons in general. Please accept our apologies. You see, most of us believe that people who gain weight, gain weight for several reasons:
1. They are lazy who would rather cry and eat paper (as long as it was fried) before exercising.
2. They have some sick fetish for being fat.
3. They have a glandular problem which prevents them from being thin.
I hope you can understand that gaining weight to make it so you can’t see your belly button anymore, or eat so your stomach gets so big that your navel turns into an imploding “x” because of how scared you are of it is not a common reason to put on weight. Please accept our sincerest apologies. No harm, no foul. And good luck recovering from your Omphalophobia.
If my readers only looked at more of your pictures, it would’ve been more obvious to them. So many pictures, so little belly button:
This one is one of my favorites. She has a butt that says, “I hope your toilet bowl can fill up water quick enough to flush more than once within 5 minutes to avoid the ‘being in the bathroom too long awkwardness, and you know what? I don’t care!’”
Still no belly button.
And what makes being fat wrong anyway? A lot of my board members said she looked like a "Pumpkin" or "beach ball with boobies." She's just retaining WATER, dumbasses. If anything she's a sponge with boobies.
Hello Lilly,
I know you are reading this or at the very least someone is telling you about it.
I am the guy who wrote the first post. Just to show you how nice I am, I'm willing to cure you of your phobia. I use emergence therapy and my cock.
You see, I want to fuck your belly button.
I had a buddy of mine who is a professor in the physics department at Princeton figure out the diameter and depth of your belly hole and he says I would have to fist it, but he has been wrong before. He actually once believed the universe wasn't flat, so we can't really trust him.
I think I would be able to fuck your belgina with ease. Granted I am going to need a fluffer who looks like Jessica Biel but how hard can that be to find.
Please let me know when you want to start to overcome your fears.
Dear Lilly, (A.K.A. "Run away Bob's Big Boy sign.")
I am currently 230 pounds; but I was however at one point 360-375 pounds. I understand, better then most, how hard it is to be a fatty. I really do. And I actually think that some pictures of larger woman, done tastefully, can be sexy. Your pictures are neither Sexy nor tasteful. Now you can take what I said one of two ways, you can:
A) Call me an ignorant prick who should have more empathy for a person who struggles with their weight as I did.
Oooorrrrr.....
B) Use what I am about to say as motivation to get some of the weight off.
I won't bore you with the Health arguement like you won't let the waiter bore you with the salad course. Just think of this. It is healthier. You will feel better about yourself and if you are ever chased by either a grizzly bear or a pack of zombies, you wont have to sacrifice yourself to save your friends. (Or in your case several dozens of friends as you look big enough that eating you might take a while.)
That said.
I live on the east coast where were recently hit with 24-30 inches of snow. your pictures have inspired me to go to the gym tonight, despite the snow, as opposed to skipping it. I would actively avoid cameras like I was a ninja if I was as big as you. How shit woman. You must already have a sucke...er...man because otherwise I can not figure out why you would post pictures like that.
Pictures of your ass must violate obsenity laws in at least 30 states. It is possible that viewing pictures of you in various states of undress has turned me irreverasbily gay. I may as well start downloading showtunes off iTunes because I don't think that I will be able to get even a remote chub from females anymore. (if any woman from the board would like to send me boobie/ booty pics to try and help me over this trauma...I will accept any and all as a form of help.)
I am all for expressing one's self, but you are pushing it tons-of-fun.
Question: Were you always fat, or is this because none of your uncles wouldn't touch you as a child?
I could go on, but I just thought of the picture of you and your cankles/ hamhocks sticking out a car window and I am no longer hungry so it's time to go to the gym. (Let me know if you need directions there. I am only too happy to help.)
Best of luck,
Chris
Dear Lily,
Ignore Sporting6w. The man is an arse. His sweet talk is a ruse to gain access to your over-sized pants.
I will fill your belly button with the velvet-soft petals of a million blood red roses. As I remove each of these blossoms I will tenderly repeat the manta: “Lily, you belly button is beautiful.” When the last of the petals is gone (scattered in a trail from your boudoir to the fridge) you will see, through a series of carefully-angled mirrors, that your belly button is the centre of the rose, and just as beautiful and fragrant.
I will fill your belly button with the contents of a warehouse of champagne. All through February, March and into April, we will drink from it through silver straws.
I will fund a 10-man expedition into your belly button, led by veteran explorer and respected biologist Charlton Clay. They will gather scientific data on the flora and fauna that inhabit its dark recesses.
I will build cheap eco-friendly settlements on the southern slopes of your belly button to re-house the displaced population of Haiti.
Lily, you make the make the rocking world go round. Don’t ever change.
Couldn't find an easier target?
Bud, you would fuck the fattie, right?
Bud, you would fuck the fattie, right?
I'm just wondering when FS went from making fun of adult babies and racists to singling out a woman who, God forbid, has a blog. Who is she hurting? One could argue that she's hurting everyone who sees pictures of her, and while that is true, I don't see the point in it.