Jan 6 2012
Friday news rundown
The end of the week is upon us, and in spite of not being able to jerk off since I worked out so hard that I can’t move my arms to crotch level anymore, it wasn’t too bad of a week.
1. A Navy Seal is on life support after he accidentally shoots himself in the head to impress a girl.
Cali says the man was showing guns to a woman he’d met earlier at a bar and put a pistol he believed was unloaded to his head. Cali says he then pulled the trigger. Source.
Support our troops, everyone. LIFE support them. AHAHAHA! Oh god, did you see that?! And this is only the first news piece, folks!
2. Katy Perry and Russell Brand got divorced after 14 months of dating. If anybody is surprised by this, be surprised by how long it lasted. Russell Brand is a recovering sex and drug addict who lost his virginity to a prostitute hired by his dad, five feet away from his dad who was also having sex with a prostitute. Katy Perry’s parents are evangelical Christians who speak in tongues, and her first album is listed as “Gospel Rock.” If that doesn’t fall under the umbrella of “Rocky foundation for a relationship,” then I don’t know what does.
3. This is the best use for an IPad I’ve ever seen.
I’m no therapist, but I think that kid may have some kind of emotional issues to work out.
4. Jennifer Aniston: Still boring.
5. Nick Cannon is unfortunately recovering from whatever it was he was sick from. I say unfortunately because I really couldn’t care less about this untalented hack, and if he died, Mariah Carey will probably get fat again, which would be hilarious. I’m giggling thinking about it right now. Anyway, here is a 31 year old Nick Canon looking like a 54 year old Morgan Freeman.
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Words of wisdom: Nosce Te Ipsum. Know thyself. And get your boobies checked for tumors while you’re at it.
Jan 06, 2012 @ 12:30:06
Damn it, Rob! Why did you have to make me remember Jennifer Aniston is still alive?
Jan 06, 2012 @ 12:48:00
She might as well not be.
Jan 06, 2012 @ 13:32:46
1. I see what you did there.
2. Let this be your lesson, girls: Big tits will get you somewhere with a guy for a while, but even the excitement over your tits will wear off soon enough. You have to make with the freaky shit.
3. Emotional issues? Little fucker kept kicking him for no reason. That was the most deserving pad-slap ever.
4. She’d be less boring with my dick in her mouth, though.
5. Heh. Fat Mariah Carey. Heh.
Jan 06, 2012 @ 21:29:01
Every single person listed in this post should die now. Thanks.