Jan 13 2012
Friday News Rundown
What a week. We saw Rick Santorum lose again, which would’ve been the second funniest thing that happened this week if Blue Ivy was kidnapped.
1. I get paid based on what things I talk about so I’m obligated to talk about celebrities once in awhile. There’s a loophole in the contract, and that is I don’t need to do much research with anything I write which makes talking about this stuff easier.
Apparently one of the Kardashians isn’t really a Kardashian. She is something else. I think it’s the fat one who is nice to everybody. Congratulations on reaping the wealth of being a Kardashian without sharing the DNA that comes with it.
…In sadder news:
2. Kathleen Edward, the girl with Huntington’s disease who was mercilessly tormented by a shitty neighbor has died.
Those who knew 9-year-old Kathleen Edward will never forget her infectious smile, one seen often throughout her battle with Juvenile Huntington’s disease.
The girl who received support from people all over the world after being taunted about dying lost her battle with the disease Wednesday. She died at her Wyandotte home, surrounded by people who love her, said Kathleen’s maternal grandmother, Rebecca Rose.“She suffered with this disease for a while, and she never complained,” Rose said. “She was always happy, always smiling.”
Rose said her last words to Kathleen were that it was OK to go be with her mom. Laura Edward, Kathleen’s mother, died in 2009 of Huntington’s disease, a hereditary, incurable brain disorder.
“I didn’t want her to suffer anymore,” Rose said.
Kathleen received an outpouring of support from around the world after doctored pictures of her appeared on Facebook, showing the girl and her mother being held by the grim reaper.
It’s rare news articles can get me legitimately upset, but I remember the news articles from years ago with her shitty neighbor, Jennifer Petkov, doing everything she could possibly do to make this poor girl’s life a living hell. If Karma is real, Hindus, prove it by getting that elephant god with all the arms to hit her with a bus.
3. Judge declares missing teen Natalee Holloway dead.
I’m not sure what they were waiting for, but congratulations for progress. High 5!
4. Jennifer Aniston recently had a cup of coffee.
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Quote of the week: “Who told you that you were naked?”
God
Genesis 3:11
Jan 13, 2012 @ 12:25:46
What kind of coffee? Where can I buy it? Did she finish the cup? Was it above 120 degrees? How many Guatemalans died for her cup? Did they hand pick the beans? What did she do with the left over coffee grounds? So many unanswered questions here.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 13:01:31
You forgot some important ones, like did she drink it black, or with artificial sweetener? Was it Truvia? Steviva? Did she make the coffee with her own delicate hands, or did someone make it for her? What kind of cup did she drink it out of?
I need to know!
Fuzzy
Jan 13, 2012 @ 13:13:05
I’d imagine she likes her coffee black like her…
…soul.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 13:10:24
Do you think she drinks coffee in a styrofoam cup, or does she bring her own. She’s probably green, so she probably brings her own to a coffee shop. Do you think she likes her coffee light? Jennifer Aniston is SO interesting.
Ken
Jan 13, 2012 @ 15:09:56
I bet the cops on the Holloway case all stood around giving each other stoic congratulatory nods while sipping their coffees, like when they successfully close a case on a cop show.
“Well, Johnson, we can safely… lay this one to rest.” *sunglasses* YEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!