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2005's top 10 most annoying celebrities.
2005's top 10 most annoying celebrities:
March 2006
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Every time you turn on the television you are bombarded with talentless celebrities sullying the concepts of dignity and self respect by acting in shows like Yes, Dear…or letting Ray Romano exist outside of an electric cage to clot up the network with that abortion of a television program, which I’m still curious as to how he did so well with because that show was unapologetically shitty. A lot of this could be attributed to bad writing (which, by the way, I am so sick of hearing how good the writers are. The co-writer for this show, Tom Caltabiano, is as about as funny as the community college he graduated from and now advertises in billboards through in NJ.)
"It took a lot of convincing for me to take Ray Romano's hairy balls out of my mouth to take this pic, but it's important to go back to your roots." Article here
Writing this was tough considering there are literally hundreds of celebrities I hate, but I feel strong about my choices, and I hope you agree:
 10. Paris Hilton and Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice). I rank both of them together because I honestly believe that they share both a brain and a broken ventromedial frontal lobe, which is the part of the brain that is responsible for decision making. Evidence supports this as they fumble their way around the world making completely bad decisions. For example, the decision to say these during interviews:
Victoria Beckham- "I haven't read a book in my life, I haven't got enough time. I prefer to listen to music, although I do love fashion magazines!" Article
Paris Hilton- “When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a veterinarian, but then I realized I could just buy a bunch of animals!” Article
You haven’t read a book in your entire life? This is the same as being a 50 year old virgin. How do you do it? Surely sometime in your life you fell into some pussy or had a cock in you…just like I’m sure that if you’re dumb enough to openly say you’ve never read a book, someone must’ve tricked you into reading Winnie the Pooh or something.
 9. Andy Dick. If this guy were an STD, he’d be genital warts. He’s ugly, annoying, worthless, and keeps coming back each time someone tries to dispose of him. Everything he does is superfluously obnoxious, yet he fails to see that. Even his voice is irritating. You hear him talk with this pronounced lisp as he’s trying to endorse his latest shitcom spectacle...acting all smug…trying to be all serious. YOUR NAME IS ANDY DICK FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. You shouldn’t be doing comedy, you should be a lightning rod.
 8. Bono. I can’t believe that we are taking an Irishman seriously; not only an Irishman, but an Irishman named Bono. Who the hell would name their child that? It sounds like something you would name a messy and disturbing sexual encounter after.
"Yeah so I was just doing my thing until she Bono'd all over my dick!"
This guy recently had lunch with the president to discuss world issues and AIDS in Africa? I realize that Bush has to attempt to appeal to a more youthful and liberal generation, but why Bono? See this is what I could never understand. Why do celebrities think their opinions about politics and human rights are more valid than everybody else’s? Your job is to act and entertain us like dancing monkeys. You’re not entertaining me by complaining about Agent Orange. You're not doing your job right. Dance for your nickels, monkey; dance.
Some people have told me that Bono is an established philanthropist. When I ask them if they know what the requirements to being a philanthropist are, they get snippy and say that I’m not doing enough for the people around me...which loosely translates to, “I am going to complain about world hunger, yet I won’t do anything to help people either... but I'm still better than you because I empathize with the impoverished which totally justifies my hypocrisy.” I say this because you know 90% of philanthropists are full of shit, unless you're an African, in which case you're full of AIDS.
 7. Ashlee Simpson. Not too many people know about this, but if you rearrange the letters in her name, you get “So Ha, Semen Lips.” It’s an ingenious way to really sum up her only talent, because I know for a fact her music isn’t it. She needs something to redeem herself, and I’m sure polishing knobs is right up her alley. At least it will prevent her from singing which is even more satisfying than the blowjob she’ll give anyway.
How stupid did she look on Saturday Night Live when she was caught lip synching? I’m surprised her career didn’t end after that.
 6. Frankie Muniz. Say one day you’re walking in a park and you see a really deformed kid. You try not to look because you know it’s rude and you don’t want to draw attention to the fact that it looks like he was thrown into a fire. Simple etiquette, right? Makes sense. Well how the hell are we supposed to not look when the Elephant Boy IS ON EVERY DAMN TELEVISION SHOW ON FOX AND NICKELODEON? You had your 15 minutes of fame with that movie, Muniz! No one stole your thunder then. Now you're just being greedy!
Frankie Muniz looks so disgusting that it interferes with his acting. I don’t even know if he’s a good actor or not; I just know that any talent he does have is overshadowed by his pancake face riddled with pock marks as though he were attacked by tic tacs.
 5. Carson Daly. It would be impossible for anyone to have an honest bad celebrity countdown and not put this shitrag somewhere on the list. To be fair I will say that he hasn’t done anything annoying this past year, but all of those episodes of TRL more than make up for this. I will stop holding a grudge against this guy the moment he goes on television and apologizes for his series of television miscarriages.
 4. Oprah. Howard Stern said something that really pissed me off one day. Well, anytime he mentions Oprah I get intensely pissed off, but something happened recently that made me wish Abraham Lincoln never signed that thing. Recently Oprah went into a store called Hermes to buy some unnecessarily expensive gift for Tina Turner and became upset when she realized that she couldn’t buy anything. Why couldn’t she buy anything, you ask? Well Oprah seems to think it was because she was black. It has to be a prejudice issue, right? This is Oprah! I mean it couldn’t have been because the store was closing. Oprah couldn't be pissed that the store manager wouldn’t extend the closing time to accommodate her and her bitch beaten friend. No way. This is Oprah. Let's just roll out the red carpet, your majesty.
The logic is right in front of you and it somehow gets turned into a racism debate; that store manager deserves a medal or something.
So after Oprah managed to extract the sand from her roast beef vagina, she brought the president of Hermes onto her show and made him publicly apologize to her…all the while her close-to-menopausal audience is clapping and laughing it up like Christopher Reeve when he found out he could move his finger. Article here
 3. Kevin Federline. Kevin Federline is not only a talentless hack on tv. He’s also a talentless musician. Check his new song out.
If you can’t listen to it, these are the lyrics:
I should be saying
Keep my damn name out of your mouth
But you people keep increasing my change amount
So, go ahead and say what you wanna
I’m going to sell out turn around and then im gonna
I know you wish you was in my position
Coz I keep getting in situations that you wish you was in
Coz im not your brother
Not your uncle
I aint your daddy too
Stepping in this game you aint got a clue
My prediction is that yall gonna hate me
And this style that we create straight 2008
But I know that you really cant wait
Coz people are always asking me
Whens the release date
Well maybe baby you can wait and see
Until then all these paparazzi are following me
Getting anxious go take a peek
Im starring in your magazine now every day of the week
Back then
They called me k fed
But you can call me daddy instead.
That’s one big grammatical curiosity, but I do like how he was able to rhyme “was in” with “Coz im.” And the line, “keep my damn name out of your mouth” is art...in a deformed Picasso kind of way.
This man can’t do anything right. There is a supposed sex tape of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline while Britney was pregnant. Some threesomes are never meant to be seen. He can’t even get a sex tape circulating right. There is no legitimate reason for him to be alive, let alone procreate.
 2. Kanye West. Yes yes...Bush hates black people. My biggest question before trying to rationalize his thought process was simply, “Who is Kanye West?” No seriously, who is he? I haven’t heard of him before he turned himself into a global big black cock. Not only that, who is he to turn a charity event into some incoherent political speech? Seriously people, listen to him talk, he sounds like someone in a spelling bee trying to stutter out the letters while taking huge breaths in between each letter to show the audience that he’s capable of thought.
If you haven’t seen the video, check this out. Mike Myers' face at the end is awesome. You can actually pinpoint the exact second where his face turns from regular dopey look, to disgusted dopey look. Clip here.
 1. Tom Cruise. Can’t we just agree that this guy is gay? He’s gay. Not only is he gay, but I guarantee you that he takes it like a little kid at the Neverland ranch. Every time I see him he’s jumping up on couches screaming, “I love Katie!!” or preaching his scientology crap to someone who doesn't want to listen.
This guy is completely acting out this marriage thing...and like always, he's overacting.
My favorite thing about himis how he tried to get www.scientomogy.com shutdown. Like the rules of…I don’t know…freedom of speech don’t apply to everyone. What a pompous power bottom. I'm waiting for the day when his cult decides that drinking poisoned Kool-Aid and wearing purple capes and Nike shoes is a good idea.
There you have it. Enjoy your New Year.
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