The Top 5 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Moments on Television.
8/31/06
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I am a firm believer that every person has at least one physical flaw which makes social interaction all the more difficult. My flaw is that my nucleus accumbens processes pleasure in a way that seems contrary to most other people's. For example: Last Christmas Eve I tripped a screaming child in a grocery store and as a result, a bloody nose ensued. It was easily the best Christmas I’ve ever had.
It’s safe to say my sense of humor is borderline insanity, but if making children cry on Christmas doesn’t convince you, maybe these randomly chosen emails will:
"I don't know you, but after reading your site I've decided you're a pervert, an idiot and a racist. Don't talk to me. I try my hardest to avoid people like you."
You are a Sick Twisted Fuck.........so why am I Turned ON? You're quite Hilarious.......Tell Me More!!!!
Awesome.
Moving along…The best things about television are the unintentional displays of comedy that producers, the FCC, and people who don’t have a repugnant sense of humor miss. I have selected the top five most unintentionally hilarious moments of television.
5. Tom from Hell’s Kitchen.
If you’ve ever watched Season 2 of Hell’s Kitchen you may remember the obviously Jewish troll, Tom. Tom was voted off because he, like the mother of a thalidomide baby, failed to deliver.
Each time a contestant is eliminated, they are required to give Chef Ramsay their chef jacket and a photo of them is burned:
A Jew in flames...how delightfully insipid.
This wasn’t Tom’s first encounter with fire, either. No no. Later in the season there is a shot of him getting burned from an oven. I won’t even insult your intelligence by spoon feeding you an obvious joke.
The mixture of Jew, fire, and frowning equals a soufflé of brilliance that Gordon Ramsay himself would be jealous of.
4. The first time you saw Ron Popeil.
By now, I’m sure everyone has seen one of Ron Popeil’s infomercials, particularly his Rotisserie infomercial which includes, but is not limited to: Ron Popeil, Ron Popeil’s lesbian sidekick who is seemingly clueless throughout the whole show, and an excessive amount of bullshit spewing from Ron Popeil’s massive lips which are eerily similar to Oprah Winfrey’s cameltoe.
3. Ann Coulter’s television appearances and trying to decide if she was once a man.
If you’ve ever fantasized about something, I guarantee you that you’ve fantasized about kicking this woman in the crotch to see if she had balls, and if she didn’t, the kick to her vagina was just as gratifying.
From an interview where two men threw pies at her during one of her speeches:
COULTER: "A couple alleged males attempted to sucker punch a 100-pound woman and missed"
...sure you are, sweety:
2. The kid on Barney with the hearing aid.
"i wwuffuffvvv you bawwwwney"
This kid is easily the best cripple on television.
Corky from “Life goes on?” Give me a break.
The Cripple on “The Dead Zone.” Fuck you, Mr. Smith.
Singing deaf kid in a wheelchair on Barney? You rock my world.
I don’t know what it is about this kid, but everytime I see him I get this shit-eating grin on my face like an Asian who just volunteered to do the class’ algebra homework. I can’t explain it. Everything about Barney is painfully awful, but this little deaf kid fills my day with sunshine and smiles. Little deaf boy, I don’t know your name, but I <3 you!
You are the best cripple on television. Period.
1. Tom Cruise getting squirted in the face with a water gun.
This is awesome because you can pinpoint the exact second where he gets disappointed as he realizes his face wasn’t being squirted with semen.
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