 If you go to a website, you expect one thing: the website to work. You expect that when you type "Bouncy black dick in tight white pussy" into Google and the number one search, ironically, comes up "Freak Safari," and you click that link you'll get to that page and be able to see your black dick. Well think again! Why? Well for one, my ex-host is a piece of shit. And two: I wouldn't allow black dick on this website. Suckers.
My old host was ipowerweb.com. Dealing with their customer support is like watching a bunch of little girls playing soccer: you're waiting over 20 minutes for something to happen, and when it does, it's usually something so completely insignificant that you get pissed at yourself for waiting so long. The one advantage little girls playing soccer has over ipowerweb.com's tech support is that every now and again, a little girl gets kicked in the shins and cries. That will make the experience worth it.
I'm not a bitter man. If anything, I'm extremely reasonable and understanding. However, when a problem persists for over six months with no resolution in sight, the problem transcends absurdity and enters the realm of stupidity. And anyone who has seen an episode of "The Bill Engvall Show" knows that the realm of stupidity is the last place you ever want to be.
I know a lot of tech people will email me and say, "Well maybe you should've researched your hosts better before subscribing!" You're absolutely right.
I know a lot of tech people will email me and say, "Tech Support is hard work. And if you're tech support team speaks English, consider that a bargain!" You're absolutely right.
I know a lot of 14 year olds will email me and somewhere in their correspondence will use the word, "teh." You're absolutely the reason I think every 14 year old should have their fingers smashed with a hammer so they can't type stupid emails.
But before you do this, let me transcribe an actual tech support conversation I've had. Please understand that this phone call was made after I've already emailed them back and forth, oh say, about 20 times:
IPW: Welcome to IPowerWeb, if you are calling about a sales inquiry, press 1. For accounts receivable, press 2. For accounts payable, press 3. For all other questions, press 4. For tech support, press 5.
Rob: 5
IPW: Please hold.
Rob: [to no one in particular] Why is “Tech support” after “for all other questions?”
IPW: I'm sorry, all operators are busy. Please hold. Hold time is. Twenty. Three. Minutes.
Rob: Great.
IPW's hold music: You're my sunshine after the rain. You're the cure against my fear and my pain. Cuz' I'm losing my mind, when you're not around, it's all because of youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Rob: Great.
Rob: This song really sucks.
Rob: Who sings this? Hey Jen, come here real quick, you like really bad music, who sings this?
Jen: 98 Degrees.
Rob: Is that a real band?
Jen: Yeah, you know, Nick Lachey?
Rob: The tennis player?
Jen: No, the guy who was married to Jessica Simpson.
Rob: The girl who was caught lip-synching?
Jen: No that's her sister. Jessica is the pretty one.
Rob: Oh the dumb one who had acne?
Jen: Yeah! Well they're both pretty dumb.
Rob: I know but Jessica Simpson had massive acne. I wonder if she still has it you know? Like makeup does amazing things.
Jen: I know, well I need to get to work...
Rob: I don't know if I could go out with someone who had really bad acne. It's a pore thing with me. I like clean pores. I mean you know that people with bad acne have really bad pores, and that their skin is greasy. Have you ever seen a pimple that wasn't greasy? I haven't. I mean even the thought of it...gross.
Jen: I'm going to go.
Rob: Clean pores.
IPW: Hold time. Five. Minutes.
Rob: Doo Doo Doo Doo after the raiiiin. This song isn't so bad I guess.
IPW: Hold time. Eight. Minutes.
Rob: OH COME ON!!
IPW: Your call may be monitored for quality assurance.
IPW: Ipowerweb tech support, this is Alex, how can I help you?
Alex sounds like a flaming homosexual. I'm not even going to lie. It was like listening to something off the Bravo channel.
Rob: Hey Alex, my website has been going on and off for the past few weeks. I've tried emailing tech support, but this doesn't seem to be getting resolved. The website name is www.freaksafari.com.
Alex: It appears to be running fine now.
Rob: Yeah I know, now, but that doesn't mean it was running fine 10 minutes ago.
Alex: Well let me see what I can do. Please hold.
Rob: Ok.
IPW: You're my sunshine after the rain.
Rob: You're the cure against my fear and my pain.
Alex: Ok Rob, it appears that someone was abusing the server, it should be resolved now.
Rob: Ok, thank you Alex!
I kid you not; no more than eight minutes went by and that the problem happened again. I called back, same thing.
Finally, I decided to switch to my own server, and sent them this email:
Greetings:
Not surprisingly, you don't have a complaint department that actually listens to complaints, so maybe someone will read this and decide to actually do something to make your company suck monumentally less than it does already.
I used to use your host. My site is www.freaksafari.com.
For me to go into how bad your tech support/service was is unfair because I can't honestly think of anything that bad to compare it to. Maybe the Holocaust. Actually, that's a perfect example. Your hosting service is a virtual Holocaust, and your clients are the Jews you slowly starve before you gas them to death and make lampshades out of their skin.
I'm not interested in rehashing every minute detail of why your company sucks. However, if you really are so inclined as to figure out why I'm leaving, these are just a few examples:
http://freaksafari.com/forum/showthread.php?p=46020#post46020
http://freaksafari.com/forum/showthread.php?t=974
If you click these link you will notice two things about them:
1: They work (thank you new host).
2: They (especially the second) discuss in detail what problems have occurred and just how long I've extended my generosity by giving you the benefit of the doubt.
If you want more, you can surely check the pitifully high number of support tickets. Or ask all of the jokers hired to "monitor" my service:
Alex, Vince, and other people who can't take time to do their jobs well.
I am absolutely appalled at your business practice. I would have an easier time hosting my website from my colon with a USB plug.
You have lost my business. This whole ordeal would've been comedic if it weren't so annoying. This is something you'd find in a Seinfeld episode, but it loses its effect when you actually become George Costanza. Annoyed and bald from ripping your hair out after dealing with your horrible service.
Have a nice day,
Rob
To which they responded:
Response (Roger R.) 06/21/2007 12:55 PM
Dear Rob,
Thank you for contacting IPOWER Technical Support.
I apologize for the inconvenience that has caused. If you have any further issues, please reply to this message and we will be happy to assist you.
The primary issue isn't the fact that their hosting sucks. It's how bad they are at dealing with the fact that their hosting sucks.
Now, my point isn't to bitch just for the sake of bitching. I'm not angry. I know I'm not going to ruin their business or change the world. However, I'm hoping that I can save at least one person the mess and hassle of having to use their shitty service. That doesn't make me a bitch. That makes me a hero. Like Superman.
|
