Magic School Bus does Sex Education!
8/21/07
|
We can handle Ms. Frizzle's craziness. We can handle her pet iguana. We can even handle the fact that she never wears a bra to school and her lopsided boobs are distracting. What we can't handle, however, are her crazy field trips!
Today we are going to learn about sex education. I don't know if we're prepared for what the Friz has in store for us.
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't get Mr. Merkin as a teacher. He may be boring and wear a wig, but at least he's safe!
One day, Ms. Frizzle sat us all down to have a talk about sex education. She played a video through her projector and we all watched. Confused, Arnold asked where he could find white tadpoles to add to his aquatic science experiment.
Ms. Frizzle tried explaining to us about things called sperm and eggs. I had eggs for breakfast, but I didn't have sperm. The class was monumentally confused. It was then Ms. Frizzle led us to the Magic School bus.
It looked like we were all in store for another one of Ms. Frizzle's whacky adventures. Of course, none of us knew just how memorable this trip would be.
For our first stop, Ms. Frizzle took us into a toilet bowl. We were confused until she explained to us that when girls get their periods, they ditch the tampon in the toilet. Gross! We learned that periods are just the complex cycles women go through so they can give birth.
 The next stop, Ms. Frizzle wanted to talk to us about STDs. I never knew you could get pimples on your vagina! We all agreed they looked kind of like scoops of ice cream with whipped cream.
The bus flew into a black lady named Shaqwanda's vagina. She had a massive one! Ms. Frizzle said Shaqwanda had sex for a living and that we were guaranteed to learn.
 I don't know what that means, but when we got out of the bus, it sure was sticky and smelly! It was like we were on one of those Inflatable Moonwalk rides with rabies in the air.
We ran into a bumpy knob like balloon. Ms. Frizzle tells us this is the clitoris. We think she's making up words because she's so weird.
 There was then a rumbling, a gush of white monsters attacked us. The bus flew off. Trying to outrun the sperm, we flew up into a spot Ms. Frizzle told us was the fallopian tubes. From here we heard rumbling. Boulders falling down and crashing onto us. Ms. Frizzle told us they were eggs, but they sure didn't look like the eggs I ate this morning!
We fly down the fallopian tubes and see a lot of sperm. Tons of them. They appear to be dying. Ralph begins to cry because he thinks it's sad. And it is sad.
Ms. Frizzle assures us that one of the sperm is safe. The class named it "Lilly," and it was our new class mascot.
Suddenly, we heard a massive rumbling. And a tornado came, pushing the bus out of Shaqwanda. Ms. Frizzle tells us this is perfectly normal.
"This is called a queef," said the Friz.
"You see, when the vagina gets stuffed with penis, it creates pressure, and when released, sends the air out like a bullet from a gun."
We then arrive back in the classroom. Another catastrophe avoided. We sure did learn a lot though. Ms. Frizzle may be weird, but she definitely is unique!
|
