Baghdad sucks like a whore the day before rent is due.

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Baghdad sucks like a whore the day before rent is due.

"Hooray for female circumcision! Hooray!"

I’ve been sitting here for at least 40 minutes staring at my computer screen doing nothing but thinking of bad things to write about Baghdad. For the convenience of this map of the world entry, I think it would be easier to just identify the good things about this place:

1: If Iraq were the retarded fetus in the womb of a pregnant teenager, Baghdad would most decidedly be the abortion clinic that sucks the fetus out of undoubtedly loose vagina. Abortion in this case is equivalent to suicide bombings. I suppose this isn’t a horrible thing because nobody really liked babies to begin with.

2. Women are circumcised. This means that their clitoris has been lopped off so they can’t feel any pleasure from sex. What this ultimately means is that men no longer have to feel the need to impress their partner because there will be nothing impressive about sex to the women.

3. Women wear burkas. This is ok because most women in the Middle East are ugly, and there is no reason to walk through the sandy streets of Baghdad looking at women who seem like they might at one time have been a tiki torch. It’s bad enough that video games are desensitizing children; constantly throwing disgusting women into the mix is just unnecessary. I realize that it’s unfortunate how hot women can’t be seen in public, but since hot women in Baghdad are few and far between, this is what we're going to call “playing the percentages.” It’s a smart move, humane or not.

Links:

Tourette's guy. This guy is hilarious...in that "I mentally and physically abuse my son because of a mental disorder" kinda way.

Counterstike + Tourette's = funny.

This is not safe for work. I don't even know what to say about this. Those kids are going to be so screwed up. And someone needs to email me and explain why there's a crock pot. Are they stewing placenta? Gross.

By now, everyone should know about Brian Peppers...the distorted love child of Cameron Diaz and E.T.