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Poconos people are ugly.
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 "If you think this suit is tight, wait till you see my shaved cock box!"
Poconos, PA- Throughout the USA, there have been literally thousands of areas that have obvious Native American names. What's funny about this is that every location with a Native American name sucks in about every way possible. Take Wisconsin for example. How many interesting things have you heard about Wisconsin? Wisconsin is a place for people who develop ALPO dog food to go to retire and reflect on the fact that their contribution to the world was one notch more important than getting anally fisted by a burly biker in a gay porn movie. The point is that people would rather get a facial from a leper than hear about Native Americans' culture. I mean really, who gives a damn about their pottery? It's become so bad now that most people don't even know what these names mean. In the Poconos case, because of the rampant disease of ugly spreading in the mountains of North Eastern, PA, I can infer that Poconos roughly translates to "Christ on a stick, my face has turned into a leprechaun's." Pennsylvania is analogous to the earth's layers where the more towards the center you go, the hotter it gets. Hot, in Pennsylvania's case, equals "ridiculously fucked up face syndrome." It's a disease and everyone has it.
Aside from everyone looking like they were ambushed by an army of weed whackers, they all are hicks. I'm not talking about "oh I occasionally listen to Neon Moon and adore Haley Joel Osment," I'm talking about Deliverance hicks. I'm talking about dueling banjoes and hootenanny hicks. I'm talking about "I have three teeth and the guys enjoy sticking their smegma-crusted penises in my mouth so I can gum them to orgasm," hicks. I'm talking about "Holy shit, the top news story for the Pocono Daily in March was a man caught fucking a pot hole in the road and then cumming on a teenage girl's car," hicks. Welcome to North Eastern, PA.
The Poconos are noted for skiing. It's basically a retreat for people in NYC to go to on the weekends because property value there is so cheap because nobody wants to live there permanently. In fact, since the early 2000's a lot of black people from the city have moved into towns in NEPA and completely ghettoized several parts of that area. You could easily buy a 4000 square foot house in the Poconos for 200k, you would just have to be able to handle the weekends when your neighbor will blast Nelly's "Over and over," at 2am. It's really a culture shock in some ways. Whenever I go to the Poconos I' feel like Margaret Mead, that is if Margaret Mead had a penis.
And as expected, the food in NEPA is abysmal. Don't ever expect anything worthwhile to grace your palate here. It's safer to walk around New Orleans right now in cement shoes than to expect good cooking at this place. To give you an idea, the best pizza came from fucking ASIAN PEOPLE! To all you Italian people in Pennsylvania who make pizza: You suck. You're letting people who excel at nail painting and having small penises ruin your shit. They are taking the last lingering threads of dignity you lost in WWII (and history in general), while you stand around like pacifistic Frenchmen trying to accurately pronounce ricotta. The guidos in NJ may be a tornado of worthless metrosexualism, but at least they aren't getting pushed around by people who are noted for their excellent VCR making skills.
Links:
Holy shit. This is one of the most disturbing stories I've ever read. In a nutshell: gay guy lets obese girl stay at his house. Obese girl shits everywhere. Pictures included! I apologize I couldn't fit her whole head into the picture, I had to crop it and unfortunately her whole face couldn't fit.
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This link is terribly unsafe for work. It is graphic and contains pictures of a man cutting his penis off. There are some sick bastards out there. Christ.
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What a poor bastard. I would chop off this bitch’s tits.
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Sweet mounted Christ, this girl is crazy. Why hasn't this lady been skinned and turned into a lampshade or soap?
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