|
|
 |
M. Night Shyamalan has a lot of imagination!
M. Night Shyamalan has a lot of imagination!
6/26/08
|
It was a quiet night. The trees were still, like the sea after a violent tempest. The wind barely hissed throughout the midnight sky, while the moon shone down onto the serene world below. All the children were in bed. All the policemen were policing. The drunkards, vomiting. But there was one little Indian not in his convenience store. There was one little Indian not selling Slushies and Cheeze-Wiz nachos. This little Indian is M. Night Shamallaylalyan. This little Indian was writing.
Out of every writer in Hollywood, M. Night Shamielqqyan is the one who needs to stop writing the most. He’s been given more chances than Joan Rivers has had plastic surgeries and has still failed to produce anything remotely decent. I don’t want to dwell on this guy’s lack of talent because the critics have already done that, but I do want to do my best to let people understand just how bad he is in practical terms. And since his latest release, “The Happening,” has been slammed down by every person with three out of five senses working, I figure it’s a more than appropriate time to do it.
I’ve made the argument about how bad M. Night Jamiroquai was many times. I can count the people who have tried to put me down Old Yeller style like Leonidas could count the Persians attacking at Thermopylae. The argument inevitably trails off into “Well, the twist in the 6th sense was unprecedented.”
Yes, it was unprecedented if you didn’t see “The Tale of the Dream Girl” episode of the show, “Are you Afraid of the Dark,” that M. Night Shermonlinean blatantly ripped off:
When Shymanlinen isn’t writing about plants rejecting humans for obscure and unrealistic reasons, he’s ripping off Nickelodeon. Just to put this into perspective, M. Night Salmonham received two Oscar nominations after stealing ideas from the same channel that produces cartoons about sponges living in pineapples and actively promotes “Kidz Bop.”
I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on that, and listen to him when he says that it was only his inspiration, but upon further inspection if we actually examine the show and his movie, we’d see several striking similarities.
- The main characters are both ghosts and they don’t know they’re dead until the very end when it is revealed in the plot twist.
- Both have only one person who can see them, and the rest of the people throughout the story seemingly ignore them. In the 6th Sense, it was that brat Haley Joel Osment, and in “The Tale of the Dream Girl,” it was the character’s sister.
- Both characters die from really stupid causes. In the 6th Sense, Bruce Willis is killed by a naked crackhead, and in “The Tale of the Dream Girl,” the main character gets slammed by a train after his girlfriend tries to rescue her promise ring. After rethinking this, getting slammed by a train is pretty cool.
The only real difference is that M. Night Booleon went on to make more crap, and the real creator of that story, David Preston, went on to make the Mystery Files of Shelby Woo. You could argue that some of the acting is better in the 6th Sense (if you don’t want to include that runt, Haley) but I seriously doubt Nickelodeon was going to give a huge budget to “Are You Afraid of the Dark” for solid acting. This isn’t even the first time he’s been accused of plagiarism. For more, read “Running Out of Time” by Margaret Peterson Haddix and see its eerily similar counterpart “The Village,” where he again crushed the twist as if it were being driven by Nick Hogan.
Besides ripping off Nickelodeon, he comes off as an overly pretentious douchebag. So we’re clear, directors don’t need to make appearances in every one of their movies. M. Night is trying to be like Alfred Hitchcock, except Hitchcock was brilliant, and M. Night is a boring jackass that reeks of curry (I’m assuming the curry odor. But seriously, what Indian person doesn’t smell like curry?) As if this weren’t enough to make him worthy of being a barf bag for Amy Winehouse’s withdrawal periods, he goes so far as to think he can act. If he directs a movie, it’s already awful. If he directs a movie he writes, it becomes god awful. If he acts in a movie he’s written and directed, it becomes, “Jesus Christ, or Shiva, or whatever the hell you pray to, man. This is really really bad. I mean, wow…the plotline doesn’t make any sense. And why is everybody whispering when they talk to each other?”
The best thing you can say about M. Night Shamlayaleon is that he keeps trying to challenge himself by making the most ridiculous plot twists. He’ll have a race of flesh eating humanoids on a murderous rampage. Note that he doesn’t use the term zombie because they’re not really dead, just half of their soul has entered a realm called “Shiftanym” which has been possessed by an evil force who is really just a fat-faced hacker who manipulated NASA’s website to send out a weird radiation from satellites. The twist: they’ll all return to normal when an eight year old boy uses a pencil eraser in a counter-clockwise motion. It’s called “The Paradigm.”
Maybe I just don’t get it. His genius could very well be over my head. If that’s the case, someone should explain it to me so I know what I’m missing. In doing so, someone really needs to explain how this:
…is scary. Good luck with that. And who knows, maybe the Hindus are right, and when “The Happening” dies, it can be reincarnated as something watchable.
|
|
|
|
