Children's Christmas Toys
March 2006
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Since Christmas is just around the corner, I thought it would be a very good idea to make a list of toys that children might want, so when they go to this web page by typing “Hansel and Gretel Storybook” into Google, they can find this page as well and simply print it out for their parents to see.
 Jake the Paranoid Pooch.
Jake the Paranoid Pooch is a loveable, cuddly stuffed dog that says over 100 phrases! No child can resist his cute puppiness along with his ability to lower any kid’s self esteem through hours and hours of systemic psychological abuse.
Fire: The toy for both rich and poor kids.
 Tourette’s Kitty Alarm Clock.
Reaching decibel levels of over 130db, which is approaching the threshold of pain, your child will never be late to school anymore with this alarm clock. Observe as Tourette’s kitty screeches its way to your child’s heart through nonsensical coprolalia. This kitty comes with a 300 word vocabulary, where each phrase is assembled in random order to suit the entropic behavior of a real retarded kid (or Tourette’s...but really, I’m not going to split hairs with this).
A child's first toilet complete with Koran toilet paper.
Teach your kids to shit on something worth shitting on: a homeless guy. Then they can wipe their ass with something just as appropriate: Allah.
With this delightful toy, everything can be Kosher!
It will be perfect for little kids who want to play Mengele.
No cut is too big...not anymore.
 Fantasia Barrino’s ABC Fun Film.
Just because it’s Christmas does not mean that learning can’t be fun. We all know that our American Idol, Fantasia, is illiterate ... so follow Fantasia on her hour-long reading tutorial where the first 10 minutes are of her crying out of frustration because she forgot how to learn. The remainder of the movie is of her singing while her eyes pop out of her black reptilian-like skull to the sounds of “I will Survive.”
Fantasia Barrino is the shining example of why girls should open a book instead of their legs, and this DVD is a perfect way to strike fear into the hearts of young children. They’ll be afraid of NOT going to school!
Christmas has Never been this fun!
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