It’s no secret that I hate Bono. I’m pretty open about this.
It’s no secret that I think his music is an aural interpretation of a tampon. I’m honest about this.
It’s no secret that out of all the self-righteous celebrities like Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, Tom Cruise, et al. I rank Bono at the top of my list of “Pompous Shit-Nazis.” I’m very upfront about this.
…yet even with all of my therapeutic bitching, I can’t shake my hatred for this man. It’s not even a judicious level of hate. It’s totally unwarranted. I’ve tried to ignore his music, his ridiculous goggles, his philanthropy, his accent, and everything else about him. I’ve tried to suppress this man as much as a Scientologist suppresses rational thought. Yet, even with all of this unhealthy suppression, I still want to stick his head on a pitchfork and jump up and down like a pogo stick.
I was reading the news the other day on Yahoo! when something sidetracked me: a big banner that somehow made it through my admuncher and FireFox AdBlock filters. It was a big picture of that Irish yeast infection.
“What can we do to make poverty history?” Bono asked on Yahoo! Answers. In one week it has generated over 25,000 responses.
I was curious. I was weak. I wanted to know how 25,000 people chose to end poverty.
“PRAY for the unification of the BODY OF CHRIST. It will take a while for poverty to be completely abolished, but with the power of God, anything is possible :)”
My jaw dropped.
Pray? What good is praying going to do? How does folding my hands together and whispering have ANYTHING to do with solving poverty? I think you mean “prey,” where we release a bunch of flesh-eating cougars and let them prey on the homeless. That would reduce poverty and be thoroughly entertaining.
“It’s just “one” simple thing, but powerful: pray!
Ok, another thing is to help out at your local Habitat for Humanity and build house with people who live in poverty/low-income lifestyles and need better homes. It’s a hand-up not a hand-out. Folk have to put in “sweat equity” and do pay an interest-free mortgage.”
Again with this praying bullshit. What good is sitting in a rocking chair in Alabama (or wherever your fat Southern Baptist ass resides) going to do to hungry children with AIDS in Africa?
Maybe ‘Nanny McPhee’ knows:
“Spend more money at home. Not giving it away, but creating more jobs.”
Maybe ‘NannyMcPhee’ doesn’t know.
“We can have people donate money to them. Give money to organizations who help prevent poverty.”
Interesting concept, mlbruno93. Bono asks for your opinion on how to prevent poverty, and your solution is to pay people to come up with the solution for you.
“Put ‘poverty’ in a history book.”
I think it’s safe to say that there is no legitimate reason why this person should be alive.
“In case you haven’t noticed, America itself is in major debt, maybe you should spend more money here and help us get out of debt before you worry about useless people in Africa and other crappy nations such as that.”
Bingo!
So after I read these “solutions,” my anger for Bono didn’t necessarily go away, but relocated itself into a hatred for Bono’s fans. I’ve decided to write up my solution for poverty and post it. Maybe Bono will respond to reason.
There. That’s my solution. Pay attention to the last sentence.
Why are people following Bono? Why are people suddenly choosing to make a difference in other people’s lives when they’re following a leader who can’t even help himself. Observe:
Bono smokes. He’s so caught up in trying to save the world, he can’t even do what 12 year old kids do and say no to a cigarette. How can he even attempt to take care of the world when he’s pumping cancer into his lungs everyday? I know this is nitpicking, but why are people so quick to suck on his pale tits when the guy clearly can’t even make a personal difference to himself? He’s trying to save the world? How about not subjecting people to second hand smoke? How about not polluting our air with your smoke, you pompous jackass?
At the very least you could acknowledge the anti-smoking laws.
It’s absurd to think this man has what it takes to solve any major problem when he can’t even learn from 5th grade DARE classes.
Shut up, Bono. Your name is Bono.
Popularity: 2%
Finally someone agrees, fuck Bono. All of his demonstrations of generosity are a self serving means of drawing attention to himself so people will think he’s generous. I hate that mother fucker.
I totally forgot I wrote this article. Man this takes me back!
He is a serial cheating hypocrite of the highest order.
Bono,…the pedophile loving, lead squealer, faux activist, drunken kook, has-been, wishful tuff-boy, apparently can’t get over himself and has a bad case of “self-love”; His confused look shows that deep inside he knows he’s a worthless fake, like his buddy “edge”.
Rumour here in ireland is that he did not not write ACHTUNG BABY but instead ripped off the talented unknown who co-wrote it with him.This rumour has been doing the rounds in ireland since 1989,the album wasnt released until 1991.
bono is a prick he’s so far up his and his nob jock twat mate ” the edge” arse it would take all the starving people in the world to pull him out. I wish those 2 would fuck off and live in africa or where ever they decide to “help”. Fucking clown shoes. Good day all
Thank you for writing for this excellent piece. I’ve never, ever hated a musician as much as I hate Bono. That’s right, I like Hanna Montana more than that self righteous douche.
Who is ok to not hate?
Lady Ga Ga? John Lennon? Elvis? Axl Rose? Simon Cowell? Celine Dion? Pixe Lott? Elton John, Justin Bieber? Miley Cyrus? 50 Cent? Eminem? Clint Eastwood? Paul Numan? Brad Pitt? Mike Myres? who the fu*k would make it on to the “what a person list” ?
“Who is ok to not hate?”
Me.